Not a mere prayer

Im posting this not to show how good im as a believer and follower of God. Im far from that. And haha im not preaching but instead posting this because how great God’s grace towards me in my difficult time.

Few weeks ago i’ve been in a situation that i dont care about anything else except doing what i need to do-my obligations that i must fullfill everyday. I deliver my job as a mom and wife as i should but i still having this Im failed and im a loser feeling/thinking.

Waking up every moring with heavy heart…. it was so torturing. It’s look like that i still cling to yesterday’s event and the day before yesterday’s event. These lead to my crankiness. I cant let go stuffs. Even worst i drag past event that i should let go but i just cant. It really took away my daily joy and blessing.

I really dont like this feeling because it somehow made me to see everything negatively. I sometime loss my rational. And tend to frustrated a lot.

I really want to slap myself for being like this. I really want to cry but i just cant.

Cut story short, one night when the kids went to bed early and im about to sleep after saying my short prayer about to say Amen but i feel that i should have a longer ‘talk’ with Him. That was unselfish prayer i ever had after a long time. Well i dont have to elaborate what i prayed for 😂 but it was a random prayer. I prayed whatever came cross in myind. It was quite long. About 15 minutes.

I slept after that and miraculously i woke up fresh and energetic next day.

See! Prayer is the key!

I did praying everyday but i think my selfish prayer is unheared 😂😂. I should not just praying for my wellbeing and forgetting other’s. How could God generously giving what i asked for while im not generous enough to bring others and anything that not directly related to myself in my prayer?

I just realized this yesterday. And this qoute ‘We Rise By Lifting Others’ suddenly came accross. Its relatable right?

Im glad the phase was over! I should continously and consistenly doing this hopefully!!

Anyway have a very great weekemd everyone and God Bless!!


Life so far

Life is okay.

I mean i have everything that i need. Everything is sufficient.

It’s just that my life seems a bit ..erm can i call it dull? I can’t see any rainbow. Most of the time i wanted the day to pass quickly. I spent half of the day lazying around and i even had a long nap even when my kids are not napping. I let them watch Youtube because i just want my quiet time alone doing nothing.

I hope this phase shall pass soon. I hate it! I cant be like this all the time.

And most important is all i need is break !


I supposed to draft May and June monthly recap but i just can’t bring myself together to type. My mood has not bounced back because I fell ill last Sunday. Started with mild headache and runny nose and non stop sneezing. As usually i will not takes any medicine but it get worse the next day. Nasal congested. I have to take panadol soluable and went to bed early while i let the kids watching youtube on their phone. When i woke up to check them, both were fast asleep.

I only got better today but still with a lil bit of coughing. But im glad the annoying flu is now gone.

I’ve been so mean with the kids these few days. Oh mean mum. Recalling what i have done to them is really torturing me. Ohhhh… I can cry even.

Anyway my another happiness in disguise is on the way. Yeahhh my Jujube!! Cannot wait. 😜😜😜

Sewing projects wishlist

My last month sewing projects some how lifting my sewing mood. I sew 8 pcs of traditional costume for the kindergarten. And after that sews Hazel’s dress and mine for nephew’s wedding reception.

Hazel says the dress is pretty 😁

I’ve been wanting to sew these long ago but im so lazy to draft a pattern. Pattern drafting is my least favorite part. Its is so leceh. But now i want to make good use my mood while it is still ‘around’ because it will take some time to ‘awake’ them again. So here are some projects that wanted to sew.

1. Maxi circle skirt

My main reason to sews this because some times when the dancer at the church wanted a backup im happy to serve. But thing is ive been borrowing my sister’s costume all this while. But to bad my recent trip to KK i cant find 60′ width of fabric in a right shade of white. So this one put on hold.

2. Princess seam top or dress

I fell in love with any princess cut top/dress because its ability to create illusion of my rectangle body shape. I learned some basic pattern drafting from YT and thanks God i manage to but still need to improve the pattern la.

3. Mermaid skirt

Im not a fan of this type of skirt. But seeing a lot of picture posted in instagrm during Hari Raya showing their OOTD made me wanna try to sew this. May be i can sew one for my mum right?

And just in time, suddenly some of my relatives request to sew a dress for them. Im not that qualified yet but i take this as a challenge lah kan? I never learnt if i don’t try kan. But my main concern is i dont have a serger and sending them to be serged at town somehow a bit troublesome.

Anyway wish me luck!


Officially a Jujube user 😄😄. And a fan!!

Im officially hooked to JJB tho i only have there types/print at the moment. But my love and addiction to JJB is growing strong!! What made me fell in love with JJB because of the different print that will be released every month and it’s versatilities.

My first ever JJB is this Be Quick Dot Dot Dot in a classic collection. Since i first got it last April, this is my go to clutch/bag. It’s fit my wallet, phone, mini wet tissue, small note book, a coin purse and a pen.

I read somewhere at JJB’s FB group, ‘you first JJB not your last JJB’. I have to agree on that 100 percent 🤣🤣. So i decided to get this Be Set Navigtor from a friend, a die hard fan of JJB too.

I personlly love the large set!

And to complete this set i got a Be Charge in Admiral print. I like this BC to organize ID cards and bank card because sometimes i use the medium set as my wallet alone. My long wallet wont fit inside.

And currently waiting another 2 or 3 JJB bag. Cannot wait to have them to my stash!! In the future planning to get a bigger bag , either hobobe or a back pack.

Tuaran and Kota Marudu

It was so damn hot the other day (during a week of Wesak- Kaamatan holiday) but husband insisted to bring the kids to Tuaran Crocodile Farm. I just want to chill at home and im not that into jalan-jalan because my jaw were swollen due to gum infection. The swell extended to my neck and it was a bit unplesant. But i did join them btw.

I let husband handles them and fortunately they were enjoying themsleves and behave well. I just sat on the shed provided while waiting for them finishing the ‘tour’.

The kids were happy. At first they were a bit akward but after some time they were showing interest. Happy mommy i am.

Then the next day we drove to Kota Marudu for some family gathering. FYI, im half Dusun Kimaragang. Arrived at 9am and went for breakfast at town before heading to my ‘second’ hometown. My mum and sister were there and as soon as we arrived we straight away to river and i let the kids play with water. Luckily i brought a pair of changing clothes for both of them.

I used to play here everyday when i was kid whenever we back here. Catching a ‘badus’ fish and shrimps with my cousins is simply amazing. And ‘haunts’ for belunu after that. Punya siok. I glad that the river is still crystal clear like 20 years ago.

Before heading back to KK we had lunch together with my KM family.

Now we are at KK for a week and looking forward for the weekend activity. Im dying for beach and sunsets. It’s been a while.

Anyway happy holiday everyone!!!

The struggle is real

Luke recently being throwing tantrum. Sometimes it is handy to manage but sometimes its so ‘big’ for me to handle. With all the efforts i put to let him calm i found myself giving up and me being a cranky mummy. He is now 2y7m and the terrible two phase finally making it entrance.

The worst tantrum ever when we were at 1B hypermall few days ago. He wanted the excavator toys which cost almost hundred. Of course we did not buy it. Expensive. He started to stomp his feet, crying and screaming, lying on the floor to beg. I quickly lift him off the floor and trying my best to calm him. Failed. He even cry and scream lounder. That time people around were staring and some turn their head on me but i did not bother i just keep on walking. Fast. I tried not to see people’s reaction.

Went to Familia and he was still crying ..that time i was so mad that i cant take it anymore. Husband tried to calm him but none works. I offered every cheaper toys but nothing seems match his preferences.

So we settled on a cheaper toys with the same color and size. Then only he gradually stops crying. Thanks God. But i was all sweating already.

All of (my) plans aborted and we decided to go home. The mood for shopping vanished after going through of a ‘battle’ with my lil boy.

Oh gosh! It is so hard to raise a little boy. My mum says that my brother’s attitude when he was kid was just like Luke’s. Now i have to limit my visit to shopping mall.